Monday, March 10, 2008

Dead Man Walking!!!

Ever feel this way..... Normally I am not one to be governed (a great deal) by my emotions. But lately I have been in a funk that has been difficult to shake. I would call it a rut. My Pastor would call it a grave with both ends kicked out, thus at least for me the Dead Man walking. It is something I can not fully describe but I am very aware of its existence. The status quo has been my home, my comfort zone. I have found myself to be unsatisfied with being satisfied, and yet I still feel like I am unable to see over the side of this trench that I am in. Can anyone relate? Funny thing is, God has been ever faithful and patiently waiting for this moment to come. Perhaps even bringing it to pass.... Yeah that's not like Him at all is it??? This week I will be attending the Unleash conference in Anderson S.C. I believe it will be a powerful time with many believers from all over the nation. My desire is for this conference to stir something deep in me that has laid dormant for far too long. Truth is, if I don't take what is imparted and apply it then I will find myself right back in the same place. That is unacceptable. The question that remains is a very simple one. Will I be the Surrendered Warrior and yield to what God is directing and instructing or will I return to walk the same course of the status quo. Seems on the surface to be a no brainer. But I was always somewhat hard headed.

MUSA Out!

2 comments:

Princess Waxy said...

Sometimes our perspective really sucks doesn't it? Not the actualization that we are in a funk ... but the perspective that has inspired the funk ... the perspective that allows us to just ... make our home in the rut instead of refusing to settle.

Believe me ... I've been -there- more times than I can count. And You know this Musa. I've struggled with blatant sin ... with apathy ... withdrawing ... settling ... compromising ... just existing. I've excused it with being so busy that it's unreal ... working more hours than anyone ought to work and moving twice in the last six months. I've got all my reasons and excuses for my behavior lined up like nice little ducks in a row ... and I can trot them out for you with no problem IF you ask me to answer for myself.

But the truth is ... there is a fine line between being honest about where we are at and excusing where we are at ... you know? We can so easily excuse away our own laxity and lack of motivation ... it's just so freaking easy. We can tell ourselves that we aren't HARMING anyone ... just not living up to our full potential ... and we can sleep pretty well at night in our neat little rationalized world ... or at least I can.

None of that chances what our destiny is SUPPOSED to be however. Sure ... we can choose NOT to walk in our destiny ... and we can blame God for never really getting us there. Of course we don't do that in proper Christian circles ... we mouth all the right words but inside ... I think sometimes we DO blame God ... deep in our hearts for failing somehow to bring us to the magnificent place were were destined to occupy. We might experience guilt and some shame even that we have failed ... but some place deep inside I think often we blame God in some way for not keeping the fire lit ... for letting our zeal die ... for our own failures to stay motivated and ready and excited and obedient.

Every Christian gets in a rut ... ? We all say that ... and most all of us have experienced it ... but why? Is it our fault ... God's fault ... the nature of this life??? Or is it one of the most cleverly crafted schemes of the enemy to keep us down and filled with navel gazing to the point that we just don't MOVE ... at all?

I don't know the answer to your quandry ... I can tell you that I feel you ... I hear you ... and I see you ...

I guess I just have this to ask ...

Where is MUSA? Where is the Warrior that is fearless ... motivated ... uncompromising ... willing to risk ... willing to deny self ... willing to stand up ... even when your leg muscles were shaking and jerking because you were so scared? Where is the Warrior who is DESTINED to affect the world? Who is annointed ... called ... gifted ... ?

Asking questions of yourself and -how you got here- are sometimes needed and valuable ... but sometimes you just have to throw off the weight ... rise up with a roar and FIGHT and refuse to give up and refuse to accept the mediocrity that Satan tempts us with. Sometimes it's like not missing a single class in college until your Senior year ... it's work ... sometimes it's not lying down when it would be so easy ... when everything inside of you is saying ... "you don't have to bench 350lbs ... 275lbs is good enough" ...

I love you Musa ... I love your amazing wife and your beautiful children ... and I love you as I know you to be ... Warrior, Husband, Father, Brother, Friend ...

Caroline

Kevin a.k.a. Cubbie said...

Yeah what she said...