Inspired by my friend Kevin over at DTOTB, I have decided to begin my own personal FAT MAN CHALLENGE!!!
At present I am weighing in at a robust 263 pounds (as of yesterday morning). It is my desire to lose about 30 lbs. My wife as decided to enter this with me and shoot for the same goal of 30 lbs. She has already lost about 25 lbs so far and she is looking GOOOD!!!! Way to go Hoddie!
Any way if you want to join us then leave me a comment complete with the total amount you want to lose and what you are doing to achieve your goal. You don't have to post how much you weigh now if that is too personal, but it would help so that we can share in the encouragement. I will have weekly updates every Monday to keep you up on the progress.
Hope you will seeing less of me in the weeks and months to come.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Fat Man Challenge!!!
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10 comments:
I love the title! I'd like to join. I've lost 17 lbs since January, but I'd like to lose 12 more. My goal weight is 135.
Oh yeah, I've had great success on Weight Watchers, and I'll be going back to the gym 3 times a week in Sept.
Thanks Sarah... way to get things started....
BTW-- The title seemed all too appropriate!
Hey, Hey, Hey...
I'm in...
225
Run 30min and lift 30min each day.
Portion control is the issue for me and snacking at night. Cutting down on sugar, refined flour products, and fat. Seems to be working. Praying for you bro.
My motivation is seeing my Aunt Kathryn die from complications brought on by adult onset diabetes and my Dad is now diabetic as well.
My doctor shared that he can guarantee that I will have diabetes and heart issues IF I don't get my weight down.
I want to be here for Christina, Anna and Lily for the long haul.
I can remember as a child wanting my mother to be able to do all the fun stuff my friends parents did. Go to the beach all the time, play hide and seek, volleyball and the likes and she couldn't. She didn't feel like it or was too embarrased because of her weight. I always thought "that will never be me" but it is so easy to just fall into bad patterns and get lazy and complacent. I want to have energy and stamina to do all the things "cool" moms do, not to mention what it might do for being a "cool" wife too! Can't wait to beat you at your challenge!
~grins~ Interesting ... very interesting! For the record ... here we don't say the "f" word ... we say "substantial" ... ~laughs~ my cubby kitties are sensitive.
So ... I'mma go out on a real limb here with the weight issue ... giving the disclaimer FIRST that I am behind you 110% and I KNOW that you know this.
Personally ... I'm not taking ANY MORE Fat Woman challenges. I am not going to be spending all of my time consumed by my weight and hiding in humiliation and embarassment at failed attempts to get to an -acceptable- social size. I have laid my life on the line to get to that goal ... of course I had health issues at stake ... but that goal didn't happen for me.
Long story short for those who don't know ... I had WLS surgery 4 years ago to lose weight that I desperately needed to lose. NOT for cosmetic purposes though that would have been FANTASTIC in my book at the time ... but because I was literally DYING at my weight.
In the prep for the WLS I had to visit a cardiologist, an endocrinologist, a pulmonologist, a psychologist and several other specialists. My life changed forever when I met my endocrinologist. I have ALWAYS carried around enormous guilt (and weight) because I have been overweight since I was in the third grade. I have always felt ugly ... and left out because of my weight. I used to avoid mirrors because I was convinced I was truly the most grotesque monster that ever walked the earth -- this is NOT an exaggeration!
The endocrinologist explained many things to me about my own physical disorders and that I have many imbalances that can not be treated. Though he normally was AGAINST WLS(weight loss surgery), in my case, he felt it was my only hope. I was getting ready to be on 4 shots of insulin a day due to my diabetes. He said that simple diet and exercise would never give me the help that I needed and that no diet would actually help me lose weight. I had tried for years ... always failing ... always feeling like the worst human being in my failure.
WLS gave me hope ... not just for better health but for something that might pass for beauty. I MIGHT for the first time in my life that I could recall ... be -normal-. ~soft smile~ I initially lost 100lbs with my WLS ... the compliments poured in ... everyone was behind me ... cheering me on ... anxious to hear of each pound that I lost.
Eight months into my surgery I was diagnosed with uveitis ... started having steriod shots directly into my eyeballs every three months. The weight loss stopped ... the gain started ... and I put BACK on 40 lbs that I lost. My weight has since stabilized ... all total ... I only lost 60lbs. I am NO WHERE near -normal- sized ... essentially ... I failed again.
Then the compliments stopped of course ... and the silent looks of assessment started. Everyone silently thinking ... "what is wrong with that pig" ... even with WLS she couldn't stop eating. The truth is ... I eat less than most people that I know ... I've never been a huge eater. Those of you who have been around me long enough know this. But that isn't what people think ... when you fail. They don't know you are taking steriods ... they don't care ... they see you as the lazy slob who just can't control herself.
As a result of the -failed- surgery ... I went into a huge depression. I didn't want anyone to see me ... I feel from this pinnacle of hope to this pit of dispair that was far more humiliating even than being enormous to begin with. I was LIVING proof that even modern medicine couldn't fix my gluttony. Or at least that's what I felt inside.
I did many things in that depression that I am ashamed of. I was ... a really not ok person. Since January I have been trying to dig myself (with God's help and ya'll's help) out of a pit so high ... at one point I thought only suicide could rescue me. In the process of this journey ... I've had to come to grips with something for myself ... it's NOT how much I weigh. That doesn't dictate my worth and it can NOT dictate my happiness.
Some of you guys CAN lose weight through diet and exercise ... I am proud of you and I am cheering you on! Really I am. But for me ... the journey at this point is about acceptance and finding the beauty in me ... even at my size. Our culture puts so much emphasis on weight ... and anything less than the perfect 6 is sneered at. Few people really understand the life of a fat person ... not just an overweight person. They don't know the humiliation at every turn ... the judgement you see in people's faces ... the disgust you are greeted with when even trying to shop for clothing. Most of you don't know what it's like to have your own friends walk at a distance from you at the mall so no one will think you are actually WITH the fat girl walking beside you. Yeah ... it's happened to me.
Our culture SAYS it's about health but let's face it ... MUCH of the focus is about beauty and feeling good about ourselves. We measure ourselves against images that are air brushed and impossibly sculpted through much surgery and money in the form or personal cooks and trainers. We are miserable when we can't attain and we look in the mirror and are constantly unhappy with who we are because we are just too fat ... according to the impossible standards set by the media and our culture.
Don't get me wrong ... losing weight to be healthier IS a great goal. After my surgery I am no longer diabetic, take no blood pressure medicine and feel like a different woman. I FEEL so much better. But I'm still not small ... I still am not thin ... and I have to find a way to love myself ... in spite of my weight. Some people just can't lose the weight ... or some people only wish to lose the weight to be happier with their appearance ... but here's the catch ... IF you aren't happy with yourself now ... as a person ... then you won't be happy with yourself no matter what you weigh.
This is the key that I've had to learn because ... I haven't had any choice. Like I said ... most of you will succeed and beautifully ... I confess ... I am envious still ... but I'm working on me ... and on loving me ... and on accepting me ... even if I fail in everyone else's appearance tests. I've learned ... things in life happen ... sometimes medical conditions cause weight gain ... sometimes circumstances do. But the question for me is ... will I let my size dictate my happiness or will I learn to be happy regardless.
This is just what I am going through ... I do support your goal and everyone who joins you ... I just wanted to explain I suppose why the obvious -fat girl- in the group isn't joining in. I'll be cheering you guys on however ... and whatever weight you end up at ... I'll be loving you and admiring you and thinking you're just as beautiful as you are RIGHT NOW.
my love,
Caroline
Caroline, I absolutely agree with you. If you don't love yourself, losing weight isn't going to make you happy. If you have a distorted self image you will never measure up to you standards and be happy. For me and I think I can say for Johnny too, the bigger issue for both of us is discipline. I was the girl who ate anything I wanted to...literally a candy bar a day and never gained a pound. I had the "perfect" dimensions all the way through high school, but had a horrible self image. Even with the "perfect" figure, I felt ugly all the time. Weight didn't become an issue for me until after I had my first child and then all the sudden things changed in my body, but my eating didn't. The truth for me is...it has less to do with looking thin although that will be a nice plus, but the truth is, if that were my motivation it wouldn't last long because my husband doesn't care what size I am so what would be the point of depriving myself.
My motivation is getting the one thing that I have lacked any discipline in my whole life under control and honor God in it. I don't think God cares what size we are because He made us, but I do think He cares that we give Him control of our entire life and not let our flesh rule unchecked in any area of our lives. For me that area has been food. I can honestly say at age 35 I know very little about how to teach my children to eat healthy. I grew up on sugared cereal and poptarts for breakfast (which until recently I still ate), had a pbj on white bread with grape koolaid, bag of chips and a little debbie cake everyday for lunch, soda for supper along with whatever my mom fixed and then some dessert for eating the few green beans I would manage to choke down. I can't tell my kids they can't have little debbie cakes at 9 in the morning for snack if I'm eating one. It scared me when Johnny came home and gave me the results of his blood work so much so that I scheduled mine to be done next week and you know how I am with blood work.
The weight I have lost so far has had nothing to do with discipline, it had to do with medication for ADD that curbed my appetite. Where God has learning to accept you for you God has me learning to walk in a new level of discipline in my life. The other stuff is easier to hide behind. If I fail at losing weight - who cares! None of our friends have ever had a hang up about size, at least I don't think so. But if I fail because I lack discipline, a characteristic God is pushing me toward then none of our friends have ever been willing for any of us to settle for failure with an area of our lives God is pinpointing.
Anyway, hope that makes since. There's only one person in my life that I have ever felt judged about my weight around and that person will remain nameless but I know you know who he is.
Caroline,
It hit me when after my latest doctor's visit, he informed me that my cholestoral was high. I have had issues with asthma but then really didn't surface in high school and college. Now that I have carrying this extra weight it has become more of an issue. I thought I could just ignore it, but that doesn't work.
That is my story and motivation. If nothing else I am eating healthy and drinking more water... so it is a start
MUSA Out!
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