What is it? What causes it to raise its ugly head after a powerful encounter with THE LIVING GOD! It appears that the target on my back has grown a little larger. The enemy has marked me for defeat once again. But I am afraid that this time and in this season I must tell him HELL NO, NOT TODAY! I am incomplete, unfinished and still in need of repair. Yet this cracked and often broken vessel, God still chooses to pour Himself out of. Frustrated I want to rise up in anger and lash out at the world, but I can't, because I nailed to the cross yesterday. I desire to return to the pig pen of past sins and generational curses, but I can't, for I hammered them to a tree yesterday. My flesh wants to say I QUIT! But I can't for victory was already purchased for me. I am uncertain whether I have anything of value to offer a lost world. Not sure of what the end will look like or if I will even make it there. You could read this and conclude that I may be caring on like a man who has no hope, no promise of what is to come. But I do and that is what keeps me coming back ONE MORE DAY! That is all I need for God to show Himself faithful to me.
Pressure and time is what is needed to turn a lump of coal into a diamond. God has all the time He needs. Am I willing to endure the pressure and time it takes to become a priceless jewel. I can opt out and remain a piece of coal that is only good for being burned in the fire, or I can endure and become a precious stone to be worn in the crown of a King.
3 comments:
You are so much more than you give yourself credit for and you have so much more to offer the world than you think. The enemy is a liar and a theif. I personally would not trust anything a liar or a thief told me, so you can rest assured whatever the enemy is telling you is the exact opposite of what God has made you to be. Love ya mighty man of valor!
J ... I was thinking about this entry yesturday as I was riding with RJ to the hospital to get another shot in my eye. I found myself saying softly ... "Yeah God, we sure are some army aren't we" or something to that effect ... picturing us (You and I specifically since we posted about our struggles) standing in worn and dented battle gear ... swords at our sides ... tired ... weary ...
But then I distinctly heard the Lord say to me ... "You don't look to me like you think you do" ... and I realized that my human perception of a weary condition isn't how God sees His soldiers ... I then had the most fleeting impression of a brilliant and mighty soldier ... strong ... vibrant ... head unbowed ...
I believe that God was saying to me that we may feel weary ... worn down or unworthy but He sees something far more glorious in this fight than we do ...
It humbled me ... but it also gave me hope ... I hope it gives you hope my Warrior Friend. It's an honor to battle with You again.
Caroline
Hey Bro,
I think we all know exactly how you feel. I feel like I live there a lot of days, but I know that in my weakness He is strong. That MUCH grace abounds (thankfully). There are lyrics to the song "What If" by Jadon Lavik that ring through my head every time I struggle with sin.
"What if I were everyones last choice what if I mixed in with the rest,
What if I failed what I passed before then would you love me less,
Lord would you would you love me less?"
How many times will I fail the same test that I've passed before? How many times will I struggle with a sin that I thought I had victory over? I've come to realize that I may struggle with it for the rest of my life, and if I do then it's my cross to bear. In a strange way, it's good, because I now realize how poor a soul I am and how much I NEED God everyday. Does this mean it's OK to sin... NO! But when I do, it puts me in a place where I have to rely solely on Him. Which is where He wanted me in the first place.
I'm such a bonehead.
A loved bonehead.
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